glimmertriplet Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Now all of a sudden having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, a gallon of bleach and plastic sheeting in the trunk of my car is okay.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 11:55 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tinder is for rookies. I just went to Facebook Marketplace and searched for wedding dresses. I found dozens of recently divorced women and I could filter them by size.
←Rate | 09-17-2019 08:05 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump has been under investigation for two years. None of his enemies has committed suicide.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 11:05 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bernie Sanders is finally going to pay his staff the $15 minimum wage he advocates for. But he's going to reduce their hours. He has proven the point that increasing the minimum wage to $15 will cost people hours and jobs.
←Rate | 07-22-2019 07:17 by glimmertriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's hotter than a spoon at Demi Lovato's house.
←Rate | 07-28-2018 08:46 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if April 2 is April Fool's Day and we've been April Fooled all this time?
←Rate | 04-01-2018 07:07 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got some good financial news today. The kid I've been sponsoring in some third-world country got eaten by a lion.
←Rate | 09-27-2017 17:35 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time Houston was under this much water her first name was Whitney.
←Rate | 08-30-2017 07:31 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
←Rate | 07-29-2017 10:10 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo. - said no Juan ever.
←Rate | 05-06-2017 06:54 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  



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