acreak Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon If I was to ever own a race horse I would name it "Two Trailer Park Girls" and train it to go 'round the outside just I can hear the caller do an Eminem impression!
←Rate | 05-08-2012 08:42 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am really getting tired of everytime I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 16:11 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you heard they came out with a "NEW" Seven Dwarfs? Moody, Pissy, B*tchy, Tipsy, Clutzy, Crabby and his twin Crappy. They all live in my house cleverly disguised as my family! Want to come over?
←Rate | 03-12-2012 11:35 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is Ash Wednesday, the day that I get to go around and tell people they have a nice "ash" and not get funny looks or get in trouble.
←Rate | 02-22-2012 09:15 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon PSA: My patience today is about as thin as my oldest pair of panties. If you are stupid please stay away from me.
←Rate | 02-20-2012 14:10 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon My boss walks by my desk almost everyday and says, "Wake Up" even though I am clearly awake. So today I replied, "How could anyone sleep with the strong odor of bullsh*t around here anyway, but they always say you can't smell yourself like others can."
←Rate | 12-16-2011 08:45 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon No NBA this year?! Great! I don't like watching overpaid athletes in baggy shorts run up and down a basketball court anyway. I'd rather watch overpaid athletes in tight pants run up and down a football field or around a diamond.
←Rate | 11-14-2011 14:48 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is "Work Like A Dog Day". SO, I shall eat, sleep and wag my tail. Oh and maybe slobber a bit.
←Rate | 08-05-2011 09:19 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is Moon Day and Ugly Truck Day. So if you own an Ugly Truck, please feel free to Moon people today, but for safety's sake please only do it at red lights.
←Rate | 07-20-2011 08:46 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon This week is Nude Recreation Week, in related news today is Cheer Up The Lonely Day and World Population Day. I think this is an excellent combination because if you play it right you can celebrate all 3 at one time!
←Rate | 07-11-2011 13:26 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear George Clooney, I see you finally took my advice & broke up with that floozie, Elisabetta. Now you & I can get on with what is meant to be-US! You have my number, I left it for you on millions of texts,emails& letters. Pick up the phone, it's ok dear
←Rate | 06-23-2011 09:18 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is "Save Your Hearing Day" soooo......I'm not listening to a darn thing anyone has to say today.
←Rate | 05-31-2011 08:25 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear God, If the world is going to end on Saturday, please accept my request for forgiveness for what I am about to do on Friday. Sincerely, Your Number One Fan
←Rate | 05-19-2011 08:45 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon So now that Osama came out and saw his shadow and got killed does that mean we still have 2 more years of Obama?
←Rate | 05-02-2011 08:51 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marco....marco.....marco??? Oh Osama you're not playing anymore?
←Rate | 05-02-2011 08:04 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to think that Bert & Ernie were gay men living together. Then I came to my senses and realized that no true gay man would have exceptionally bad hair, a hidious unibrow and wear those terrible clothes. Rock on B & E!
←Rate | 03-09-2011 08:12 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your silence is golden because the words you said before are tarnished with lies.
←Rate | 03-03-2011 11:42 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Dora, How do you get that t-shirt to fit over your head? Please tell me your secret because I would like to fit into these size 5 jeans. Sincerely, The Average Sized Woman
←Rate | 03-02-2011 13:33 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon This weekend I will be drinking in Dog Beers, that way it doesn't sound like I am such a lush.
←Rate | 02-25-2011 11:18 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is National Margarita Day, however, it is also National Humble Day and National Walk the Dog Day. Guess I will go home and fix a Margarita, hook the dog up to the treadmill and hide in the closet while drinking said Margarita.
←Rate | 02-22-2011 16:29 by acreak Comments (0)  


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