Paul Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Why do we buy bacon and fry it yet we buy frozen french fries and bake them??
←Rate | 08-02-2013 19:35 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is depressing to pull the tag off of your boxer shorts and a parachute opens.
←Rate | 07-20-2013 10:31 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I pooped the other day and called it Peter. That is the closest I have come to playing Call of Duty.
←Rate | 07-13-2013 13:44 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't mind that my wife yells at me sometimes and tells me "You need to stop joking around so much and be more serious", I just wish she wouldn't do it when I am naked.
←Rate | 06-05-2013 18:19 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just once I would love to get a junk email that read..."P*nis englargment?? No way dude! You are set! Forget I even sent this message." Is that too much to ask???
←Rate | 01-14-2013 11:24 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't believe they've made a Taken 2...Liam Neeson must be an even worse father than Gerry McCann
←Rate | 09-18-2012 06:50 by Paul Comments (1)  

   messageicon What idiot driver on the freeway next to me this morning was trying to floss while driving, he was swerving all over the place. The jerk nearly made me drop my newspaper and my phone!!!
←Rate | 08-28-2012 11:16 by paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon who was the idiot who made umbrella handles out of metal? it is like making a shark bite suit out of meat..
←Rate | 02-26-2012 00:59 by paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon What the heck do you mean a can of Pringles is not considered ONE serving??!!
←Rate | 12-18-2011 03:34 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people don't need an "Easy" button, they need a "STFU" button.
←Rate | 10-14-2011 13:50 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hear the "Occupy Wall Street" movement is headed to Las Vegas. Wow, seems like a pretty big gamble if you ask me.
←Rate | 10-13-2011 16:51 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I gave three women Corona's today and not one of them appeared in a bikini! Dang false advertising!!
←Rate | 10-13-2011 11:23 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I type so badly that my auto-correct feature has a standard response of "WTF?".
←Rate | 10-03-2011 16:34 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why when you checkout at a liquor store do they tell you "Have a nice night". Is that not a given?
←Rate | 09-13-2011 19:56 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when a singer I can't stand comes out with a song that is UNLIKE them and I like it and don't even realize it is them. Then someone tells me who it is and it ruins the song for me.
←Rate | 09-08-2011 22:22 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I read where it said that having sex burns 4 calories per minute. I mean come on, are you serious? This has to be worng. How was this ever verified? A WHOLE minute??
←Rate | 08-25-2011 17:06 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you are ordering Chinese food and ask them for Miso soup, and they are out of it, do they tell you Miso sorry??
←Rate | 08-13-2011 20:53 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you LOL and no one is around, do you make a sound?
←Rate | 08-11-2011 15:33 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tonight is a Jim Croce night. I most definitely will be spending some time in a bottle!
←Rate | 08-01-2011 16:08 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you think having a fifth of Jack means something different to a cannibal?
←Rate | 07-31-2011 10:47 by Paul Comments (0)  


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