MTQ Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Women are 60% water, 20% makeup, 10% clothing, 8% shoes, and 1% hairspray. That leaves 1%, yet they demand 100% of men's attention.
←Rate | 04-23-2013 19:29 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm sick of all this Wiccan stuff. As far as I'm concerned, they're still food stamps.
←Rate | 04-13-2013 08:07 by MTQ Comments (1)  

   messageicon I have a great name for a dating site which pretty much sums the whole thing up in a nutshell...Desperate Losers.
←Rate | 04-11-2013 07:47 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I took Nyquil and Dayquil. I forgot how to tell time.
←Rate | 04-04-2013 22:00 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don't actually pay a h00ker to sleep with you, you pay her to leave.
←Rate | 04-04-2013 13:26 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon war machines will cause the destruction of man. Not a comet. I wonder what the next species that inhabits the Earth will discuss while filling their vehicles with the fossil fuels derived from the remains of extinct humans.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 11:06 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon people who live up north whining about the cold weather umm live up north.
←Rate | 03-29-2013 11:15 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gangnam Style: Dancing like an overweight Ch!nk getting b0ned up the a$$ by a sumo wrestler while wearing handcuffs that were put on by a ret@rded cop.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 07:09 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon The stores are packed with folks gearing up for their Easter fashion shows, the same way they do for Christmas. The central figure for both these holidays was reduced to wearing a loin cloth for one, and swaddling for the other.
←Rate | 03-26-2013 05:54 by mtq Comments (0)  

   messageicon Florida Folks: "♫ ♫ We have joy, we have fun, we have seasons in the sun. ♫ ♫" Up North Folks: "F**k you, Florida."
←Rate | 03-24-2013 10:46 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you remember to set your clocks one hour ahead for Daylight Reappropriated Time?
←Rate | 03-10-2013 09:07 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon "That was the last arrow in my quiver of whimsy." ~Amy Farrah Fowler
←Rate | 02-18-2013 16:07 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Catholic Church is in shock over something that hasn't occurred since 1415 AD. It ran out of mix for its annual Pancake Breakfast.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 07:32 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a question. How is it that the man who wasn't good enough to wed your daughter, can somehow be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the world?
←Rate | 02-08-2013 08:08 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon If aliens were to intercept facebook signals, they'd conclude the only things we have to eat and drink here on Earth is bacon, cats, coffee and vodka.
←Rate | 02-01-2013 20:59 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
←Rate | 01-27-2013 01:19 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the difference between The New England Patriots and a p0rn star? The p0rn star doesn't ch0ke on the big ones.
←Rate | 01-13-2013 13:25 by MTQ Comments (1)  

   messageicon Okay class. Today is our field trip to the Planetarium. Did everyone remember to bring pot brownies?
←Rate | 01-11-2013 14:09 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I for one, do not long for the good old days. You know, back when you had to wait 30 minutes for a pic to download to the point where you just begin to see the top of her head.
←Rate | 01-09-2013 19:03 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't believe it's already January 2nd. I mean really, where has the year gone?
←Rate | 01-02-2013 03:52 by MTQ Comments (0)  


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