KISSTOPHER Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Life caught me caring and punished me accordingly.
←Rate | 08-28-2013 13:02 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon She told me she was a vegan so I pretended I never met herbivore.
←Rate | 05-22-2013 09:13 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm black but not "ain't nobody got time for that" black.
←Rate | 05-19-2013 11:00 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw a girl at Starbucks with a duck face. Felt bad because I left my bread crumbs at home.
←Rate | 05-19-2013 10:35 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my car, I control the music. If this is a problem for you, just remember this... your life is in my hands. I am the one who is driving. I can kill us.
←Rate | 05-19-2013 10:30 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don’t tell your girlfriend she’s beautiful everyday, 614 guys on Facebook who haven’t had sex or even been on a date in 9 years will.
←Rate | 05-15-2013 15:02 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, if what you did to him cannot be fixed with a blow job then I suggest you better start looking for a new boyfriend.
←Rate | 05-15-2013 14:58 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is like prison except the food is better and your cellmate never changes.
←Rate | 05-15-2013 11:40 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever just apologize for no reason whatsoever? No? It must be nice being single.
←Rate | 05-13-2013 09:16 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like reserving tables at restaurants using unique names so I can hear the hostess announce, "Optimus Prime? Your table for 2 is ready!"
←Rate | 05-12-2013 07:23 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon DATING TIP: make sure your girlfriend knows that you're dating her.
←Rate | 05-11-2013 13:04 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forget ghosts, forget snakes, forget spiders, forget aliens, forget monsters, forget zombies, The real danger to a human life is often posed by another human. Evil walks among us in human form everyday. We are just too blind to see it sometimes.
←Rate | 05-10-2013 01:09 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me take a bullet for you? I don't think so. What if you planned for someone to shoot you so I could jump in front of you, get shot and you would get rid of me?
←Rate | 05-09-2013 13:48 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never trust a woman who doesn't b*tch about everything.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 13:09 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon The difference between sexual harassment and seduction. Is the first is done by men, and the 2nd one is the same thing but done by women.
←Rate | 05-06-2013 13:10 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon You only stalk the person you think you don't deserve.
←Rate | 05-06-2013 00:54 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon 5 out of 3 people struggle with Maths.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 04:12 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Kanye West, Kim Kadarshian and Internet Explorer, I would shoot Internet Explorer twice.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 02:22 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know who all these people in stock photos are, but I've never met anyone who was so happy to be in a meeting.
←Rate | 04-30-2013 09:31 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon WIFE: You only hear what you want to hear! ME: Sure, I wouldn't mind a blow job as a matter of fact.
←Rate | 04-27-2013 10:11 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


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