KAREN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I have to be careful with my kids when I talk about the death of their father. It's a sensitive subject and I don't want them warning him.
←Rate | 03-24-2016 09:24 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks for the fecking blockbusters gift card granma.
←Rate | 03-22-2016 16:37 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to my husband, it's not a tickle fight until half my ribs are broken and I've sharted myself.
←Rate | 03-22-2016 16:22 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to refer to it as a "Magic Carpet Ride" when I sit on HIS bearded face and HE works that tongue like Harry Potter wielding a wand.
←Rate | 03-12-2016 09:04 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actually mom, I'm not writing tweets about handjobs anymore I'm into fisting now. Happy?
←Rate | 03-12-2016 05:14 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon After I have sex with a cucumber my walk of shame is to the kitchen to rinse it off and put it back in the fridge.
←Rate | 03-11-2016 13:34 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's play the unicorn game where I rub your magical horn until you shower me with glitter.
←Rate | 03-11-2016 13:28 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's so many pictures of trump thrusting an index finger at me in my timeline, I'm starting to feel violated and a little horny.
←Rate | 03-09-2016 13:33 by Karen Comments (1)  


   messageicon My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
←Rate | 07-15-2015 13:05 by Karen Comments (0)  


   messageicon But if I go out tonight, who is going to stick their finger in the cat's mouth and ruin his yawns?
←Rate | 04-26-2015 10:25 by KAREN Comments (0)  



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