BOB Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I remember when I was younger you use to be able to eat at restaurants.
←Rate | 05-04-2020 16:26 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m really liking this social distancing rule. Can we make this law?
←Rate | 03-18-2020 08:56 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
←Rate | 01-10-2019 17:34 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra size.
←Rate | 01-05-2019 10:13 by Bob Comments (2)  

   messageicon I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card, I said to my mom, look I got a B in Reading, she said to me that's a D you moron!
←Rate | 01-05-2019 08:27 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.
←Rate | 01-05-2019 08:09 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon OMG.... I hate waiting in lines... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
←Rate | 01-05-2019 06:55 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's really cold out there folks. If you're heading out to Walmart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
←Rate | 01-04-2019 15:48 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was walking on the beach yesterday when I noticed this guy in the ocean splashing around and yelling " shark, help, shark!!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
←Rate | 01-04-2019 14:03 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon If anyone is interested, I'll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 5 p.m. until security escorts me out the door.
←Rate | 01-04-2019 13:59 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Checked with my Sperm Bank to see my deposit was getting any interest..sadly they said Zero.
←Rate | 04-05-2018 16:51 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon The goal keeper in soccer is allowed to pick up the why doesn't he just pick it up and just run across the field to the other goal?
←Rate | 09-12-2017 09:48 by bob Comments (1)  

   messageicon if you shave off your arm hair and it grows back to the exact same length, does that mean its twice as long as it was?
←Rate | 06-23-2017 07:24 by bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing worse than being stuck behind someone driving less than the speed limit is being the passenger of someone driving less than the speed limit.
←Rate | 06-20-2017 05:25 by bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
←Rate | 03-08-2017 09:49 by bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can think of one group of workers who are doing much better under this Trump presidency....comedians
←Rate | 02-16-2017 21:32 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Patriots are going to the Superbowl....The NFL is going to assign someone to check Tom Brady's balls throughout the game....don't want that on my resume
←Rate | 01-24-2017 08:09 by bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're looking for a good Trump pee joke, Urine Luck
←Rate | 01-12-2017 06:30 by bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sitting in a busy parkink lot tooting my horn when I see someone pressing their remote looking for their car.
←Rate | 12-21-2016 20:46 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't know how the law of averages works, but you'd think after 25yrs of marriage I'd be right at least once??........bOb
←Rate | 04-08-2016 10:10 by bOb Comments (0)  


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