shuttdogg Funny Status Messages

   Next time someone asks you who pissed in your cheerios. Tell them I did it.

   Drivin around town with Cee lo's girl. Go ahead and write another stupid @ss song about it.

   Remember when Clinton was in office? Man those were the days huh?

   To do list: 1. Poop. 2. I can't do anything until I poop.

   I can't believe the plural of moose isn't meese

   If you are that a$$hole that honks the second the light turns green , I'm the sumb1tch that will sit there and update my Facebook.

   What Would Dexter Do?

   Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

   When I get multiple friend requests on MySpace, my pager goes crazy.

   ____ is thankful that I don't have a "swear jar" today. That son-of-a-b!tch would be filled right to the top.

   Did I just say that out loud?" No, dumbass, you just thought about it and we heard.

   This fake headache sure feels like me leaving work early. 

   Are they selling Tapout shirts by the pound now? That, or all these chubby kids in the mall actually ARE cage fighters...

   Somewhere, right now, MySpace Tom is giving himself a pep talk in a mirror.

   I watched Major league last night where Charlie sheen was known for his fast ball. Ironically.....he is now known for his 8-ball

   cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool

   My wife told me she was going to leave me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. Slightly concerned, but in the end it doesn't even matter

   I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.

   I used to be a looker when I was younger. Or a peeping Tom as the girls used to call me

   just got college letters from the marines, navy, army and coast gaurd. Well obviously somebody has been watching me play Call Of Duty...