minnie haha Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Well, it turns out my eye patch is actually something called a "Jock Strap" & suddenly I'm not allowed into the Pirate Party.
←Rate | 06-15-2012 13:21 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a can of beer last night and on the side it said “Best Drunk Before August, 2012". I've just e-mailed them thanking them for that prestigious award which, of course I graciously accept....
←Rate | 07-14-2012 22:38 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon You will always find me in the kitchen at parties... unless you've stashed the booze in a different room.
←Rate | 08-04-2012 16:58 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, I'm off to check out the Perseid Meteor Shower...Oh, who am I kidding? I'm gonna get drunk, fall over backwards and try to see Uranus.
←Rate | 08-12-2012 00:34 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Uh-oh. My guardian angel just enrolled in the witness protection program.
←Rate | 08-12-2012 13:00 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He's still alive, but his hair looks outstanding.
←Rate | 09-01-2012 23:59 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gin makes you Sin. And it's also an easier word to rhyme than vodka or bourbon.
←Rate | 09-02-2012 22:42 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon woke up this morning to a little frost on the pumpkins. Guess it's time to start wearing a bra again.
←Rate | 09-28-2012 20:55 by minnie haha Comments (1)  


   messageicon If a tree fell in the woods and knocked over my beer, I'd be pretty darned mad whether I heard it or not.
←Rate | 09-30-2012 15:12 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am pleased to announce that the PR firm of Helland-Hunt, LLC will be handling the issuance of all apologies on my behalf from now on. So, if you're looking for an “I'm sorry” from me, please go to Helland Hunt for it..
←Rate | 10-02-2012 15:51 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon ahhhhh....the muscle relaxers are finally kicking in.....they work SO much better when you take them with a half bottle of vodka. Wonder why it doesn't recommend that on the prescr
←Rate | 10-12-2012 23:47 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon You Know You Are Too Drunk to Go Trick-or-treating:...When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over... When the door opens, you yell "Trick or...." and you can't remember the rest...
←Rate | 10-31-2012 19:08 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband got fired from his job at the deli for putting his finger in the pickle slicer. To be fair, she got fired, too...
←Rate | 11-04-2012 22:27 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon What manner of devilry is this?!? Just when Colorado and Washington legalize pot - Twinkies goes out of business?!?
←Rate | 11-16-2012 12:18 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon maybe the Mayans were referring to the Twinkiepocalypse.
←Rate | 11-16-2012 12:20 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well that was disappointing. Not only was his name not Leonid - there were no meteors in his shower at all. I don't even think he was an astronomer.
←Rate | 11-16-2012 23:29 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look, here's the deal: If you're into immature, sexually compulsive women who drink entirely too much and need to be the center of attention at all times..... you are going to like me a lot...
←Rate | 11-20-2012 23:29 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're still here on December 22nd, you'll know I have successfully saved the world. In appreciation, I will accept money, exotic cars, and property as a form of payment. Now, if you'll excuse me....I have a job to do.
←Rate | 11-30-2012 20:08 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate going to elementary school concerts. I can never find a designated driver.
←Rate | 12-03-2012 11:55 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn't figure out how to get the cork back in it.
←Rate | 12-03-2012 12:35 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


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