m Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon you can't control the economy, you can control your health
←Rate | 01-06-2010 16:29 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon never give up...often success is just a step away!
←Rate | 01-31-2010 14:39 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out!
←Rate | 02-01-2010 13:26 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon defeat is not the worst of failures, not to have tried is the true failure!
←Rate | 03-17-2010 20:33 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon How about when you're in line at The Walmart and they herd ya over to express checkout and the people behind you get all pissed off.
←Rate | 03-31-2011 18:51 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish cancer would get cancer and die.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 11:50 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon never trust a fat guy to guard your fries while you go to the men's room.
←Rate | 02-01-2013 11:08 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once, I'd like to see Punxsutawney Phil open a can of whoop-ass on the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
←Rate | 02-02-2013 08:34 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is what it is, it was what it was, and it shall be what it shall be.
←Rate | 02-20-2013 12:36 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have been informed that my problems now have problems...I find this to be problematic.
←Rate | 02-20-2013 14:54 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wife thought she was having her first hot flash but it turns out that it was just her boob in her cup of tea.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 13:06 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I'm just a sheethead."
←Rate | 02-26-2013 11:06 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I'm just a butthead."
←Rate | 02-26-2013 13:22 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tequila makes the world go around...I mean the room, it makes the room go around. :-/
←Rate | 03-09-2013 07:19 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon It seems like around 90% of my work day is spent between the hours of four and five o'clock.
←Rate | 03-12-2013 15:29 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who ever said talk is cheap never got a bill from a lawyer for a 30 minute consultation.
←Rate | 03-25-2013 12:24 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon The doctor said I have to start watching what I eat and drink. Today, I watched a ham and cheese omelet, a bacon cheeseburger, a large french fry, a frosty, and now I am getting ready to watch a meat lovers pizza and a cold brew...I got this covered doc.
←Rate | 04-04-2013 17:17 by m Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have no adult supervision today and there is a peanut butter pie in the fridge...this will not end well.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 08:16 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you are using a public urinal you must look straight ahead at all times and no chit chatting about anything, including the weather...it's the law.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 14:49 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
←Rate | 06-11-2013 14:25 by M Comments (0)  


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