Joseph Robert Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Someone needs to tell my apt building that tapping the handle on a shower nozzle shouldn't change the temperature by thousands of degrees at once
←Rate | 02-21-2011 23:46 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would just like to point out on this momentous occasion today that historically, Roalty has always been a product of inbreeding
←Rate | 04-29-2011 07:52 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I killed Bigfoot! I also have a few aliens in my basement! You gotta trust me because I said so! Oh by the way I have pictures but you can't look at them!
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:06 by joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm going to call in raptured to work on monday
←Rate | 05-17-2011 13:01 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon In memory of matcho man R.S. and in preparation for the Rapture, I'm going to buy enough slim jims to snap in to for the next five months
←Rate | 05-20-2011 14:57 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon kids are like farts, I can barely stand my own let alone other peoples
←Rate | 06-30-2011 09:20 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon Way to sully the Forever 27 club Amy Winehouse. I hope Kurt, Jimmy, and Jim Morrison run train on your skanky ass
←Rate | 07-26-2011 14:25 by Joseph Robert Comments (1)  


   messageicon Coming home from work today, I just saw a guy sitting in a rowbaot in his front yard in the rain with a case of budligtht. Even though I've never met him, I'm convinced that he's good people
←Rate | 07-26-2011 14:27 by Joseph Robert Comments (1)  


   messageicon If days of the week were people, Mondays would be gingers
←Rate | 07-26-2011 14:28 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people run marathons, I watch them on my couch. Indiana Jones on Syfy!!!
←Rate | 07-26-2011 14:30 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear girl at the bar with the smokin body, long tan legs and amazing knockers, your face looks like a man so I bet you get it from behind a lot. #KeepinItReal
←Rate | 07-26-2011 14:31 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon Note to self: The acronym for "Save the Date" is not appropriate to include all over a work memo
←Rate | 08-16-2011 19:01 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon finally a Godfather! But I'm going to let the kid call me God for short
←Rate | 08-17-2011 12:06 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon a black guy in a horror movie has a better chance to survive than a white girl in aruba
←Rate | 08-19-2011 12:48 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon The very moment I can imagine a really hot girl taking a dump, is the very second I'm no longer attracted to her
←Rate | 08-22-2011 19:39 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did anyone else feel that? Oprah must be fat again
←Rate | 08-23-2011 14:43 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey guy walking down the street talking on bluetooth with a bag in one hand and nothing in the other, please use your free hand to slap yourself
←Rate | 08-30-2011 19:00 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
←Rate | 09-07-2011 12:17 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have to be wearing a coat in july to be told I look hot!
←Rate | 09-07-2011 12:29 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon These people on my Facebook aren't really friends, just more of a wish list of people I want to sleep with
←Rate | 09-07-2011 13:23 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


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