Jeff Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon if you are 17, and still dressing up and coming to my house for Halloween, you sure as hell better say "Trick or Treat" and "Thank You" like the little kids do.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 19:37 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon This other dude at a store just asked me if tulips were annuals or perrinials. I should probably change out of this pink shirt.
←Rate | 05-06-2010 23:21 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon saw a billboard sign that said: NEED HELP, CALL JESUS 1-800-555-3787 Out of curiosity, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
←Rate | 05-13-2010 16:17 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good moms let you lick the beaters...great moms turn the mixer off first!
←Rate | 05-25-2010 23:01 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your luck is so bad, that if I put a bucket of pu*sy in front of you, you would reach in pull out an a**hole!!
←Rate | 05-27-2010 10:03 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go to Google, type in "world cup 2010", look at the bottom of the page. Gooooooaaaaaaal!
←Rate | 06-16-2010 22:21 by Jeff Comments (1)  


   messageicon Of all great losses in life, Time is the most irrecoverable. It can never be redeemed.
←Rate | 06-27-2010 12:53 by jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon my girlfriend just started smoking. Should I slow down and use a lubricant?
←Rate | 07-28-2010 23:04 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Brett Favre told the Vikings he is retiring today, but also said he will sign his new contract by Friday.
←Rate | 08-04-2010 16:14 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
←Rate | 08-10-2010 00:57 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
←Rate | 08-12-2010 18:36 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Uh oh...just saw the little devil from my left shoulder drop kick the little angel off my right shoulder a minute ago...this can't be good.
←Rate | 08-14-2010 10:03 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was a little disappointed in my morning.. the crayon said peach.. but it sure didn't taste like peach!
←Rate | 08-14-2010 12:55 by Jeff Comments (1)  


   messageicon Beep...Beep...Beep....Would it be too much to ask for a smoke alarm to warn me of a low battery when the sun is actually up?! Beep...Beep...Beep....
←Rate | 08-17-2010 07:24 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just read about a dyslexic cop being fired for operating an IUD checkpoint.
←Rate | 08-18-2010 23:05 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the woman at WalMart with all those screaming, unruly kids. I slipped a large box of condoms in your cart when your head was turned. You are so welcome!
←Rate | 08-19-2010 14:22 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I held the door for a lady at the Post Office because she had a huge box..
←Rate | 08-19-2010 15:20 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saved a bunch of money on my Mental Insurance by switching to Psycho!
←Rate | 08-20-2010 21:46 by Jeff Comments (2)  


   messageicon I'm right 97% of the time...so why does my wife always find fault with the other 4% ?
←Rate | 08-21-2010 17:46 by Jeff Comments (14)  


   messageicon Every since I bought this shake weight . I'm putting way too much salt on my food!!
←Rate | 08-22-2010 01:26 by Jeff Comments (0)  


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