Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It takes 42 muscles for you to frown! But only four for me to extend my middle finger to you! Fck off!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 01:45 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Wife tld me her fantasy would be to spend the night with George Clooney! Then she flipped out when I told her mine! Apparently, ''Melanie the lady with the nice body next door!'' wasn't a good answer!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 04:12 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is nothing better than putting on a warm pair of underwear fresh from the dryer! I even like to scan the laundramat to try and figure out who they belong to!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 04:44 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon First, Love Yourself!..........Everyone Else, get in line!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 04:58 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just love waking up in the middle of the night, to find I still have hours to sleep before I have to be at work!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 05:16 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon As you Mature, you learn that you cannot make someone love you!.....All you can do is Stalk them and hope they panic and give in!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 05:20 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please be patient! Even a toilet can only handle one A$$hole at a time!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 05:44 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here I am!.......Now what are your other two wishes?!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 05:46 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon As I've grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible! But pissing everyone off...that's a piece of cake!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 05:49 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you are a kid, ''I'm going to tell your mom!'' is the scariest sentence ever!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 12:17 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing makes a man happier than his son being on the cover of a Wheaties Box! His daughter on the cover of Business Week! His girlfriend in Playboy! And his wife on the back of a carton of Milk!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 12:48 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should blast the Oscar Meyer Weiner Song non-stop into Jerry Sandusky's cell for the 400yrs he's in there!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 13:41 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will not chase you after anyone anymore!.......If you walk out of my life, I'll hold the F-N door open for you!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 20:16 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only people mad at you for speaking the truth! Are those living a lie!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 20:57 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Monday hd a face......I would knock the $h!t out of it!!!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 21:44 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!!!
←Rate | 06-26-2012 07:02 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't have a Consumer-based economy if none of the consumers have jobs and can't afford to consume!!!
←Rate | 06-26-2012 08:03 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a girlfriend that said she was leaving me because I was so arrogant! I told her to close the door on her way back in!!!
←Rate | 06-26-2012 09:39 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it looks like a B!tch, talks like a B!tch, and acts like a B!tch! Congratulations you met my EX!!!
←Rate | 06-26-2012 10:42 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can only say WTF so many times in a day before you just start drinking!!!
←Rate | 06-26-2012 11:56 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


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