@zubindalal1 Funny Status Messages

   I like a girl that isn't afraid to jump in front of me during a robbery & say “babe, please. I got this one, you bought dinner.”

   Hey, ladies, if you look like a snake swallowed a rib cage you're too skinny.

   Why did God create man first? So he wouldn't have to be told how to do it.

   I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist..

   My ex-girlfriend walked past me today and didn't even notice I was there. I must be getting better at this stalking business.

   What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred c*nts who don't do c*ck.

   Shooting has started on a sequel to the movie Superman "Man of steel" to be titled "Balls of Steel" staring Felix Baumgartner

   There are hundreds of ways to make a woman happy and only one to make a man happy: LEAVE HIM ALONE.

   Can I add you on Facebook ? Cos I would like to Poke you

   The world is ending tomorrow & we still don't know who let the dogs out, what is love, & Where's Waldo ,or Victoria's secret

   A cop stopped me and asked "Do you know why I followed you " so I said "because my tweets are funny" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in Jail.....

   Life and beer are very similar……..chill for best results.

   Laughing for 10 minutes adds 1 day to your life. Follow me and you'll live forever!

   Me: Can you believe that after all that crap they're still together!?! Friend: Who ? Me: My buttcheeks

   If I don't mention you, then the status wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace it up and wear it.

   Home Alone! Expectation: Party! Party! Reality: Peeing with the door open.

   "One Direction" has 12 letters. So does "gayyyyyyyyyy". Coincidence? I think not.

   The number of "followers" you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.

   WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.

   When the "M" of MTV was for music & not for maternity... Those were the days