@bitemeNsuckit Funny Status Messages
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wonders if the neighbors realize just how slow their Internet is...geezus I've been trying to watch 48 hours mystery for the last 2 hours!
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loves the smell of a home-cooked breakfast...mmmm bacon...now how do I get that smell in my house?
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has been temporarily disconnected from AT&T...and my iPhone...where in the hell am I?!
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May the 4th be with you...but I need a Fifth.
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must be the only one that has no idea wth a bieber is...the news is constantly giving alerts "just in..." Should I be frightened?!
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must be destined to be a nomad... nobody can live with me. i'd rather be a gypsy...then, I could go around making people thinner...or dead.
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If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two...he'll be back to his usual self.
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been used and has a lot of miles, but is in great condition...she's a classic ;)
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so, this guy is trying to sue me for sexual harassment in the workplace just because I like to flirt a little...good luck with that because I don't even work there!
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found a new place to live...it includes all utilities, free meals, gym, arts & crafts...and my insurance pays for it all...The Nuthouse :o)
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Anybody can be a mother...and too many have no kids...and aren't women...so I wish you a Happy Mommy's Day!
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Well that's funny...actions do not speak louder than words when you're beating a mime.
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Seriously, dude in front of me at the register...digging in your pants for the last 2 minutes for change is making you look kinda creepy...
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'Me and my shadow' my @ss...whenever I get caught, that b!tch runs!
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Since switching from PC to MAC, my computer never goes down on me :(
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thinks Apple needs a device that emits warning signals that a loser is approaching...call it the iPutz.
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Since July 2008, three of the four Golden Girls have died. That leaves only one: Betty White -beloved entertainer or calculated killer?
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isn't sure what's worse...the massive amount of oil gushing into the ocean, or the massive amount of BS gushing from BP executives.
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found a dead lizard on the back porch...apparently, a reptile dysfunction.
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hopes Joran van der Sloot gets the electric chair...then he'll be called 'The Frying Dutchman'
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