pimpjuice Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon pumpkin for sale, slightly used
←Rate | 11-02-2013 22:01 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
←Rate | 01-29-2014 12:43 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone has to lie, cheat and steal to get your vote, they're not the leader you're looking for.
←Rate | 10-31-2016 07:07 by pimpjuice Comments (1)  


   messageicon Boy it's nice out today... our at least that's what it says on my computer.
←Rate | 01-15-2014 12:02 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree
←Rate | 11-12-2013 09:08 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon Day 88: I am thankful for my joke site. Without it I wouldn't be nearly as amusing on Facebook.
←Rate | 01-26-2014 10:41 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon It really shouldn't be that hard to convict Bill Cosby. Everyone knows that the proof is in the pudding!
←Rate | 12-16-2014 17:56 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon A costume and matching shoes later, my child owes me about $50 worth of candy..
←Rate | 10-28-2013 21:29 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tip: make your woman feel beautiful, but not so beautiful that she thinks she can do better.
←Rate | 11-09-2013 12:26 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon So let me get this straight. Hot dogs are the new cancer sticks?
←Rate | 10-28-2015 20:07 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon someone to love and someone that loves me. and it would be awesome if they were the same person for once
←Rate | 02-01-2014 23:19 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon someone needs to tell Wyclef he can come back now.
←Rate | 11-01-2013 07:57 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon election day? I'll vote for anyone that will make it legal to beat my kids
←Rate | 11-05-2013 21:25 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "You're donating to Locks of Love?"
←Rate | 01-30-2014 14:29 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I knew my wifes cooking was getting out of hand when the flies chipped in on a screen door
←Rate | 01-15-2014 18:02 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought the new $100 bill was new... Turns out I've just been broke since they came out
←Rate | 01-17-2014 16:12 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon my wife ran off with my best friend. I sure miss him
←Rate | 11-09-2013 10:55 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had 'that talk' with my son last night. The one about drugs. You know, the one where I tell him I smoke pot
←Rate | 10-28-2013 11:24 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon I must be amazing at chatting online; everytime I talk to a girl I leave her speechless.
←Rate | 08-10-2013 10:39 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon my phone says it still isn't snowing. Has anyone checked outside?
←Rate | 01-28-2014 14:27 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  



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