kittykat Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My boss didn't know I drank, until one day I came to work sober.
←Rate | 07-23-2010 01:30 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fat chick served me at McDonalds earlier. She said, "Sorry about the wait". I said, "Don't worry darl, you'll lose it eventually".
←Rate | 09-10-2010 03:53 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon loves a man in uniform, unless he's in my rearview mirror.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 01:03 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yoko Ono will once again oppose the parole of Mark David Chapman - the man who shot and killed John Lennon 30 years ago. Perhaps she ought to rethink that - I hear Chapman has a Jonas Brothers obsession now.
←Rate | 09-10-2010 03:56 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon SKY news announced that Tampax have signed on to sponsor Tiger Woods. A spokesman for Tampax said, "To sponsor a c*nt going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about".
←Rate | 09-10-2010 00:28 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon sweating like a cat at a Chinese restaurant
←Rate | 07-23-2010 01:48 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For f***s sake, keep it down!".
←Rate | 07-21-2010 04:07 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon Police discovered the body of a local cartoonist this morning. Details are a bit sketchy.
←Rate | 07-23-2010 01:34 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon sending more mixed signals than a dyslexic, third-base coach.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 01:06 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon discovered today that when a police officer says, "Ma'am, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?", you should never respond with "Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
←Rate | 07-20-2010 22:19 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon just got barred from Bunnings. This arrogant prick in a red apron in the timber aisle just asked me if I wanted decking. Lucky I got the first punch in!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 01:05 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon discovered last weekend that if you play a Nickelback album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Nickelback.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 22:06 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that 99% of the people in this world are complete morons. It's a good job I'm in the other 2%.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 22:08 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room until security shows up.
←Rate | 07-21-2010 00:13 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering if Jewish doctors get paid for doing circumcisions, or just get to keep the tips.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 22:20 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boyfriend told me that he was seeing someone else because he was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 22:13 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon fired her masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 22:07 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon once read a book about anti-gravity. I just couldn't put it down.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 22:13 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon just had a bunch of underwear stolen. Cops are making a brief inquiry.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 22:10 by kittykat Comments (0)  


   messageicon hates it when old relatives come up to you at weddings and say, "You'll be next, dear". I'm sure they wouldn't be too impressed if I started saying that to them at funerals.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 22:11 by kittykat Comments (0)  



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