eengrms Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'eengrms': View All Messages
Page: 1 of 7

   messageicon I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
←Rate | 08-12-2013 10:33 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night...
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:30 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
←Rate | 02-09-2013 21:53 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I puked in the backseat of my friend's brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn't any social networking back then, so I'm telling you now...
←Rate | 04-01-2013 15:06 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
←Rate | 02-15-2016 12:13 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the US government shutdown affected alcohol or internet porn they’d have it fixed by tomorrow morning...
←Rate | 10-07-2013 09:46 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon The five second rule is exponentially longer when no one else is around...
←Rate | 08-11-2015 13:20 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people seem to like Trump. Others like Hillary, or Bernie. Just be happy you live somewhere that you have a choice, just don't waste it...
←Rate | 03-10-2016 09:19 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon That's so weird. I told her to calm down and it had the exact opposite effect...
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:27 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon So you'll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year... Your move Weight Watchers...
←Rate | 01-05-2015 22:22 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it...
←Rate | 02-27-2013 22:00 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can someone get Seal Team Six some round trip tickets to North Korea?
←Rate | 03-05-2013 21:47 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea's TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
←Rate | 12-23-2014 13:47 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Winning the game using deflated balls? Is this the NFL or the Tour De France?
←Rate | 01-21-2015 13:17 by eengrms Comments (1)  


   messageicon I had this one night stand a few weeks ago but I wasn't satisfied with the craftsmanship so I returned it and got a bedside table instead...
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:31 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today was the kind of day where I understand how someone could become an alcoholic...
←Rate | 08-28-2013 13:01 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
←Rate | 02-17-2014 20:47 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to start a new trend... Work tailgating. I'll be in the parking lot at 5am every day drinking and grilling. I hope it catches on...
←Rate | 07-16-2013 22:05 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think instead of doing laundry I'm just going to buy a second hamper...
←Rate | 01-17-2014 16:16 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It's "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
←Rate | 04-24-2016 15:18 by eengrms Comments (0)  



[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left