Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Buying Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, is like paying back for all the free Halloween candy I got when I was a kid.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:58 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was having an argument with my wife. Just as I was about to win the argument, my alarm clock went off.
←Rate | 10-21-2017 17:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . I think mydog looks out the window when I leave for work to see that's it safe to lay on the sofa.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 17:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 08:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A person who says that sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. Has never been hit with a large dictionary.
←Rate | 09-03-2017 02:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Notice when you call a 1-800 techical support number you get an assistance operator in India? Wonder when a person in India call for technical support if they get an amercian operator.
←Rate | 09-17-2017 15:15 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon If it was not for the dumb things I did as a kid. I would not have anything to laugh about today.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 21:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon 911: What's the emergency? Man: My wife keeps shining her laserlight pointer light on me. 911: How is that an emergency ? Man: Her laserlight pointer is attached to her gun.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 21:54 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 19:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon (insert random song lyrics that describe how I feel, even though nobody cares)
←Rate | 03-15-2010 11:26 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon annoyed that these guys like Clooney, Cruise, and DeNiro are all picking me as their celebrity look-alike. Get a life losers.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:16 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost
←Rate | 01-22-2010 07:35 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so glad my boss can't hear what I'm thinking.
←Rate | 10-02-2017 22:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped eating natural foods when I found out that most people die from natural causes.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 17:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to look like a productive hubby. Add things to your to do list that dosen't need to be done. So you'll have things crossed off when your wife checks the list.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 01:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I could climb mountians. Now I have to steady my self to fart.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 22:40 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to save money this Halloween. Place an empty bowl out with a sign. Please only take one piece of candy.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 18:45 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 20:42 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wouldn't it be nice if you could adjust the brightness level of people like you can on your TV?
←Rate | 10-12-2017 23:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never make any plans unless I have a way of getting out of them.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:45 by Jake Comments (0)  



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