BigSarge Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The baby in the car next to me is either unable to control his arms or hes throwing me gang signs. I'm not taking any chances. **Locks Doors**
←Rate | 06-16-2013 21:31 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon So many things that younger generations aren't able to do now: make prank phone calls, play outside at all hours, tell time, tie shoes.
←Rate | 07-08-2013 21:56 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
←Rate | 06-10-2013 18:28 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh it, I'm pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
←Rate | 07-26-2013 13:55 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walmart has made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing...... Walmart is going to invade Target.
←Rate | 04-12-2013 00:00 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn, You suddenly realize that you're all grown up that moment when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kicking it under the fridge.
←Rate | 02-10-2013 23:58 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid they didn't call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "A Brat about to get an a$s whooping".
←Rate | 03-25-2013 15:45 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to eat at Brazilian restaurants because there will be no hair in the food
←Rate | 05-09-2013 04:29 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I been putting a lot of thought into it and I just don't think being an adult is gonna work for me.
←Rate | 08-15-2013 03:49 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please drink responsibly this weekend and don't drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won't leave the house! ... Good talk!
←Rate | 05-24-2013 16:24 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been playing the Monopoly game at McDonalds and so far all I've won is a double chin and 3 heart attacks
←Rate | 08-09-2013 21:32 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My outdoor patio furniture is breaking on me now. My transformation into "white trash" is almost complete!!
←Rate | 08-20-2013 15:28 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you're one of them
←Rate | 04-18-2013 23:30 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone says "Oh you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
←Rate | 05-13-2013 20:50 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy who said "It's better to have loved and lost" never accidentally dropped his 2nd Reese's cup in the dirt.
←Rate | 05-17-2013 22:18 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I discovered last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee in the middle of the night......Is sleeping right through them.
←Rate | 02-25-2013 13:22 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I'd like to see a random stranger gut-punch the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
←Rate | 12-28-2012 16:25 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hopefully because of social networking, I've tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
←Rate | 06-13-2013 04:13 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon This week's weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
←Rate | 05-20-2013 15:03 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not gonna lie about the sexual tension between me and this double meat, bacon and extra cheese burger............. It is what it is.
←Rate | 09-10-2013 22:15 by BigSarge Comments (0)  



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