Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just saw Tom from MySpace on Google +... You know the site sux when the sites creator hauls a$$!

   Nothing says I blow as a superhero like the Bionic Man's slow motion running. Except maybe for using David Carridine style kung fu.

   The one time I tried yoga, I twisted my asscheeks. Several ladies remain cross-eyed to this day.

   Whenever I'm driving and I see a baby stroller in someones trash I always think. Oh boy... someone f***ed up.

   Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible.

   I can't tell if its the acid I dropped or the green beer I've been drinking since 12:30 a.m., but there are Leprechauns everywhere!! HAPPY PAT'S DAY LASSIES!!!

   Would it be inappropriate to go to the bars tonight wearing only a Green Lantern costume, with a 4 leaf clover on my finger as my ring and carry a Heineken mini-keg as my lantern?

   They never should have made the game life. I was under the misconception that it was as easy as rolling dice, getting awarded a job, and stacking pegs on top of your car.

   I just ate the chocolate off of 6 peanut butter eggs and now I have a pile of peanut butter... Yeah boyee!!!!!!!!

   Bowling is like doing meth, every time I spin I always end up in the gutter.

   forgetting about the price tag.... and hoping my dad does the same whenever he gets my credit card statement!!

   Actually my ex was a good cook, I have the waist to prove it, nothing else.

   When it rains in LA it's the tears of all the unemployed party clowns.

   Can you imagine Augustus-flavored chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it

   If I ome to your house, I'd appreciate it if you tell me which furniture you've had sex on before I sit down. Thanks. y

   Research shows that 80% of men don't know how to use condoms. These men are called DADS!

   Since Congress declared that pizza is a vegetable you wouldn't be surprised if they made mayonnaise an instrument

   I say we consolidate all ska bands into one giant ska band, unless that's what happened already.

   Death is at the NBA's door and Stern just invited it in for a cup of tea.

   I'm at work and keep hitting ESC on my keyboard, but I'm still here....I think my keyboard is broken!!!!