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From what I've read, Jesus never had a problem with gay people. He also never wore pants. 
Q: Is there intelligent life form on planet Earth? A: Only in a few areas.
A heart felt "Thank You" for the birthday wishes Due to sanitary reasons, I will not and cannot accept any money that comes out of bras
My First Question In Hell: What do you mean there's no ketchup and no ice water?
Ask not what your country can do for you, ask who can build a giant wall for cheap.
I will never have abs. Because I love eating keb abs
I don't wanna say my ex thinks her sh*t doesn't stink, but she sent a couple of her turds to Febreze suggesting they make an air freshener out of them.
*quietly tries to open a bag of chips during doggy style*
I'm a bird watcher. But when I go bird watching it seem to makes the men unconfortable in the men room
One good thing about daylight savings time is the clock in my car is finally correct!
Day 4 without a shower. I hope stink kills the virus!
Literal Cheesy Pick-Up Line: Excuse me, are you Swiss? I'd love to check out your holes.
How come the same people who don’t trust the government telling us to stay home all of a sudden trust the government when they tell us it’s OK to go back?
And on the second day of the flood, Moses wrote : Captains Log ; Unicorn stew is the Best food ever !
Love when I take the time to type out a long text message to a friend and they reply with "K"
Xbox has been my girlfriend for awhile, I think it's time we see other people...
Could schizophrenia be just a permanent high burnt in the brain from smoking too much? So permanent high?
My new girlfriend takes my breath away...she's insatiable and inflatable....then, sadly, I poked her.
Behind every great woman is a great behind.
So apparently your girlfriend isn't supposed to have an Adams apple. Guess that's why she only wanted an@l. 