Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Confucius say, man who gets high on rock, gets stoned.

   Okay. So they can make fake meat out of plants. Try really impressing us and make a watermelon out of a London Broil.

   I put the thingamajig in the whatchamacallit and turned doohickey and wuteveritis still doesn't work. Any ideas?

   Remember, it’s not actually a coup unless it comes from the coup d'état region of france, otherwise it’s just a sparkling authoritarian takeover.

   Can someone please go to MeWe and Parlor and wish them a Merry Christmas.

   If women aren’t meant to cook then why do they have milk and eggs inside their bodies

   Xbox has been my girlfriend for awhile, I think it's time we see other people...

   Could schizophrenia be just a permanent high burnt in the brain from smoking too much? So permanent high?

   My new girlfriend takes my breath away...she's insatiable and inflatable....then, sadly, I poked her.

   Behind every great woman is a great behind.

   So apparently your girlfriend isn't supposed to have an Adams apple. Guess that's why she only wanted an@l.

   Oh, how I love being awake at stupid o'clock

   Underestimate my crazy to activate my crazy.

   There is a thick line between ok sex and awesome sex.

   Every time I see you I ask myself why the hell are you still alive.

   "No, honey, I don't talk about you on Facebook." *enables passcode lock on phone*

   Every computer is a laptop if you're not a little b*tch about it.

   If you are offended by the opinions I express then you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.

   If I bite the bottom of my lip, it's not because I want you. It's because I have a piece of skin hanging off it that I'm trying to get off.

   My girlfriend's bra is even harder to take off when she's yelling at me and I'm wearing it.