Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm not sure what's so "outstanding" about this bill... It seems pretty ordinary to me.

   Happy 90210

   Women ask for advice on what to wear and then end up wearing the exact opposite.. that's why I think Snow Pants and Leather Jackets are sexy as hell on them."

   If I owned a charter fishing boat, and I assigned one of the crew to bait customer's fishing poles, would he be called "The Master Baiter?".

   I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

   that feeling when you are about to have sex with some hot gal you've been wanting for a long time...

   What do Hurricane Earl and a redneck divorce have in common? Somebody is gonna lose a trailer.

   fears Hurricane Earl, but only because it sounds like the prison nickname of a man wearing overalls who beat someone to death with a banjo.

   ...U.S. combat in Iraq officially over. I love Pres. Obama! He's the ONLY black guy I know who's kept his withdrawal promise!

   Wake up in the morning feeling like Luke Perry... Happy 90210 Day!

   Whenever I get a phone call that reads, "Unknown Name" on the caller ID, I have to resist the urge to answer, "Mitchell's Abortion Clinic, you make it, we scrape it, no fetus will beat us. How can I help you today?"

   I left a note in the coffee area at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn't found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.

   Happy 9.02.10! I'll see you at the Peach Pit...

   The next time someone calls you from a withheld number just answer it and say, "hello London sperm bank. You squeeze it - we freeze it!" ... See what happens.

   eating breakfast at the Peach Pit since today is 90210. I mean....um....I didn't watch that show back in the day. A friend must have told me about it.

   since today's date is 90210 this is the closest I'm going to be to being rich, spoiled, and caucasian.

   Sometimes finding my car keys is harder than finding a toothbrush in England, or deodorant in the Middle East.

   Don't you hate it when all this hot, humid weather makes your nut sack look like batwings when they stick to your thighs? That's what Lady Ga Ga told me, too.

   So...that guy took hostages at the Discovery Channel HQ in order to get them to change their programming? Has he seen how awesome Shark Week is? I would think that bombing TLC is more understandable...

   Earl isn't a hurricane name that can be taken seriously. Earl sounds more like the redneck neighbor you find naked and passed out in your front yard.