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Day 4 without a shower. I hope stink kills the virus! 
Literal Cheesy Pick-Up Line: Excuse me, are you Swiss? I'd love to check out your holes.
How come the same people who don’t trust the government telling us to stay home all of a sudden trust the government when they tell us it’s OK to go back?
And on the second day of the flood, Moses wrote : Captains Log ; Unicorn stew is the Best food ever !
Love when I take the time to type out a long text message to a friend and they reply with "K"
I will never have abs. Because I love eating keb abs
I don't wanna say my ex thinks her sh*t doesn't stink, but she sent a couple of her turds to Febreze suggesting they make an air freshener out of them.
*quietly tries to open a bag of chips during doggy style*
I'm a bird watcher. But when I go bird watching it seem to makes the men unconfortable in the men room
Apparently grabbing your girlfriends boob, flattening it with your hands and yelling Surprise Mammogram isn't as fun for women than it is for men .
Another celebrity just died this year....RIP Ronda Rousa Boxing Career
It is times like this that make me laugh at people from the south.Hurricanes & tornados, people still go to work, Snow, deserted streets and empty grocery stores.
Negative People irks my nerves.. worry about yourself... maybe you're not getting promoted cuz you so negative!!!!
I've stopped brushing my teeth in preparation for St. Patty's Day
When it comes to my omelette cheese I'm Un-American. #whitechesseplease
I just saw a report naming the 20 worst cat food. Mine gets #1. He deserves it that cat bastid.
I want you all to know, I read your post while pooping
Which Knee? the left knee? the right knee?...the weenie?
Lasik surgery is at least $500 to just fix an eye....on wheel of fortune I can buy the I for half that price
if this 2nd stimulus goes through, I want this payment in pennies so I can swim in it like Scrooge McDuck
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