Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I thought the show was called "Blue's Clues", not "Weird White Dude With A Bowl Cut Hogging Up The TV".

   Patience is not one of my virtues. Hell, what am I talking about? Virtue is not one of my virtues.

   "Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery or use Facebook while under the influence of medication"

   "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." - Chuck Nevitt

   It's hard to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs because they take things literally

   We lost Meat Loaf and Louie Anderson today. They say celebrity deaths always happen in threes. Let's hope we don't have a third one. Hey, two out of three ain't bad, right?

   From what I've read, Jesus never had a problem with gay people. He also never wore pants.

   Q: Is there intelligent life form on planet Earth? A: Only in a few areas.

   A heart felt "Thank You" for the birthday wishes Due to sanitary reasons, I will not and cannot accept any money that comes out of bras

   My First Question In Hell: What do you mean there's no ketchup and no ice water?

   Ask not what your country can do for you, ask who can build a giant wall for cheap.

   NETFLIX Bird Box about an English ladie's privates?

   The cashier asked if I'd like my milk in a bag to whom I replied "No thanks, I think it would be easier to carry home in the container."

   No matter how much you shake your peg...... The last drop always goes down your leg.

   Did you hear. DEMI LOVATO New song? Sober not Sober

   Since 1/20/17 I feel like I'm in the 1988 movie "The Live" and I'm one of the few people with a pair of the sunglasses.

   It’s so cute when billionaire philanthropists donate less than 1%. Bless their hearts.

   When my mother in-law said she wants to be creamated. I immediatley made her an appointment for next week.

   Ice bank mice elf.. say it real fast 10X

   One good thing about daylight savings time is the clock in my car is finally correct!