Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear George Clooney, I see you finally took my advice & broke up with that floozie, Elisabetta. Now you & I can get on with what is meant to be-US! You have my number, I left it for you on millions of texts,emails& letters. Pick up the phone, it's ok dear

   I think there is something fishy about the fact that you can't access your cell phone battery anymore

   Not looking forward to the end of the world sat..should be on a monday..

   Have you ever noticed that when you go abroad on holiday, on the first day you're like a fish out of water, but by the time the last day arrives, you're walking around like you own the Hotel!

   When my wife wants my opinion, she’ll give it to me.

   Get hoarders addicted to crack, they will sell all their stuff...

   That TP logo from the campaign seems appropriate now, given all the B S leaking out of this administration.

   Looks like the first amendment is more powerful than the second.

   CRAP!!! I just dropped my Android, are you guys alright?

   THAT MOMENT: When the cop car that just pasts you makes a U-turn, you begin to wonder where your car papers at.....

   Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing them.

   Everytime I leave the house: ✔Phone ✔Wallet ✔Keys.

   This shark attacked a defenseless surfer and bit him in half. What kind of animal would do something like that?!

   I just met the woman of my wet dreams...

   Like we really need Twinkies here in America.

   God damnit Disney, you screwed up another one. Now I'm gonna have nightmares about teddy bears.

   I'm no grammar Nazi, but I hate when a girl's period comes late

   God promised man he could find beautiful women who were good honest wives in all corners of the world then he made the world round and laughed and laughed and laughed.

   "When life gives you eggs, turn them into omelets!" is probably a terrible slogan for an abortion clinic.

   Native American: So you are against imigrants. Splendid, when did you leave?