Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   really looking forward to this years Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach. Talk about non-stop racing action!

   that was one nasty hotel , They stole MY towel

   I just told a lie and now my pants feel warm. I hope they dont catch fire!

   ★ just call me tootsie.. because you know how I roll ★ - Magean Brents

   pretty proud of being able to give up Lent for Lent. Didn't think I could make it but with perserverence, I overcame the urges.

   So my mom just got her citizenship and she wants to change her name to Bunny!!? WTF. I'm dreading the day when I have to introduce her to my fiance. Mom seriously just keep your 10 letter hard to prounounce Asian name!

   Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

   wondering why men cheat on the wifey type for a hoe and when they get the hoe they want the wifey type back

   My heart is on life support and I'm seriously thinking about pulling the plug and collecting the insurance money!

   Feeling a little horny today. I think my check-engine light is ON.

   He's dead... But look! Hundreds of bright copper kettles, warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up in string! Someone was after a few of this guy's favorite things.

   ‎"Every Kiss Begins with K" and "Every Divorce Begins with D Bit@h"

   Sex is like pancakes ... God I love Pancakes !!

   She fell in love with the person that I was back then. Why does she try so hard to change me into what suits her...it only drives me away.

   If you're texting two people at the same time, you are biTextual. :)

   Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I'm on bath salts, and your face looks tasty.

   Do Canadians call regular bacon "American Ham"?

   I've just been invited to a knees up. Or as my girlfriend calls it, accompanying her to the gynaecologist.

   The only good Black Friday is the one with Chris Tucker and Ice Cube!!

   had his left side removed. He's all right now.