Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   An old lady at my dad's grocery store was mad because the turkeys were small. She asked, "Do you think they'll get bigger right before Thanksgiving? " I said, "No mam." She goes, "Why?" I go, because they're dead."

   I just had dead pig and unborn chickens for breakfast!

   Dear Chocolate Covered Blueberries, Seriously where have you been all my life? I can see why your big sister Chocolate Covered Cherries has kept you secret all these years. Wow.

   What's worse than Greese on Oliva Newton John? Come on Eileen.

   Superman dies and Ben Affleck sucks as Batman

   Bowe Bergdahl’s father looks like that Duck Dynasty guy.

   *looks at packaging for Pillsbury Choc Chip Cookies... "May contain raw eggs"... *Rocky theme plays as I squeeze entire tube down my throat

   I hope Micheal Sam wins an ESPY for breakout female athlete of the year

   I better get some sleep. These spiders aren’t going to eat themselves.

   What's love got to do with it.....all I said is I wanted to have sex ;)

   My girlfriend just said she was leaving me because of my gross habits and childlike behavor.It shocked me so much that I almost choked on my toenail, which would have surely given up my position in the hide-and-go-seek game I was in with my imaginary frnd

   Well I don't like you, and you don't like me. Oh you like me? Okay then I don't like you, and you like me.

   This weekends forecast... Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out

   thinks she is FIT! And yes, she is definitely unpretentious!

   late but I am the latest

   better than normal. i'm abnormal

   wants to know who threw up in my sink last night? reveal yourself!

   Life gave me LeMoNs. . . So I mixed it upp to be sweet and got MeLoNs!

   just hacked into your facebook account and admitted to all your friends that you have a serious drug problem and need an intervention ASAP!

   Those candy necklaces are overrated because you end up with all that spit on your neck!!!