Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   really starting to believe that my bosses 'other car' is a broomstick

   I'm kinda bored...I think I'm gonna go hang this 'No U-Turn' sign in a cul-de-sac somewhere.

   You are the most amazing thing I could ever ask for. I love you with all my heart and I hope you never change again because you are perfect the way you are. You mean the world to me in every single way. Love you FB

   FAST 6 , "The race to the Senior Discount Breakfast at Dennys". The next movie in the outlived Fast & The Furious Saga .

   Soo busy today but I FINALLY got a chance to sit down for a minute..... too bad i'm still at work and the place I'm sitting is on the toilet :/

   Why do I know all the words to Cher's Shoop Shoop song? And why is it impossible to look cool when you get caught singing it in traffic

   I just found out that the life insurance policy I put on Osama Bin Laden is invalid..... Damn!

   The wife and I to spice things up have been getting into S&M. But it can be dangerous so you have to have a safety word. Mine is "bor....ing"

   Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak

   Plan A doesn't work in your love life, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.

   Hie! do you want to dance? Ok, go and dance while I talk to your cute friend here.

   evEr nitoced how hwrd it is to tpye wiht yuor left hnd whsilt you are wnaking?

   So, I just txt'd my mom that the baby might have a black eye tomorrow. Her response? "What does the other baby look like?"

   The one good thing about the English weather...if you don't like it - wait a minute..x

   GLEE is so gay, Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken have staged a boycott!!!

   wishing he had a million dollars so he could buy you a fur coat, but not a real fur coat . that would cruel.

   Do you believe in magic? Yes? Want to go up to my room and make some?

   ok....am I the only one that sings "Come on Irene" laughs then knows I shouldnt?

   Why people comment on Pics saying sht like: I like this... thats why the "Like" button is there.

   when the room gets quiet I say things like "im a bannana":)