Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Chris brown had a stroke..... - Rihanna

   Never touch a guys computer, unless you're on birth control.

   If you have to fight someone’s love then you’ve already lost that battle.

   How much for this stat us? Sir, it was on here yesterday. I must have it!

   My dentist said I can't play Candy crush cause I have cavities.

   I'm thinking the Who should change their name to the Two. Just sayin!

   I am forever upgrading WHATSAPP but I never see no godamn difference.

   How is everyone holding up? It's been a crazy night! I have just beheaded 30 zombies. But why the hell are they all carrying candy?!?

   Well I smell my wife cooking dinner. It's times like these when I wish I had a dog.

   Just got the giant cardboard check folded up and crammed in my wallet from the Publishing Clearinghouse Sweepstakes I won from 1996.

   Empty your wine glass, stuff your turkey's. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

   I wonder why George Bailey never told Mr. Potter to just SUCK IT...

   In the Olympics of my heart u're the Jamaican who runs fastest, the Kenyan who runs longest. the American who strengthens me with steroids.

   Gonna call Suze Orman and ask if I can afford to build a Deathstar.

   Flirting is a way of life, the moment you stop is when you're dead ... then your spouse cleans the gun and places it in your hand.

   I hate it when I the most important part of a post

   The 2011 MLS MVP is out for the season. I have no idea who he is. Hell, I don't even know what the MLS is…

   According to my cousin's diploma, he graduated from an "Institute of Fine Farts" because I just made an adjustment to it with a sharpie.

   I can't believe you're mad that I put a baby in you while you were sleeping. You obviously don't appreciate the degree of difficulty.

   Yes, I just made a typo, deleted the update, updated it again with another typo, then sent out this update to blame the whole thing on weed.