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Think I'll move to Russia, it will save me shipping and handing on mail order Russian bride. . . 
One time I lost my phone for 6 days, so I feel your struggle Malaysia.
How can I get on one of these disappearing planes?
I’m starting to think some people only have girlfriends so they can walk slowly in public in front of some guy in a hurry
that horrible moment when you actually fall in love
Just remember that you don't own anything that won't burn.
There's a small section in Paul Ryan's budget plan that makes it legal for the Koch brothers to hunt poors. Google it.
if a tow truck hauls an RV, does that make the tow guy a "home-wrecker"?
Funny thing I just heard my computer call out to it's father......"Data"
2014 parent: "when I was ur age we had morals back then...no sex before marriage,no drugs, no alcohol".Thanks for being honest...so I'll be honest as a 2044 parent "When I was ur age I had loads of unprotected sex,drugs and alcohol and here I am now"!
Sleeping is so old school, there's no technology involved
Once you've made a person feel like they don't matter, they'll leave you alone, but they'll never forget.
Apparently it's frowned upon to moan when getting a pedicure. Related: Sorry, Ming, it was awkward for me too. But damn, you rub me good!
If you don't believe in evolution just look at how much stronger passwords have become over the past few hundred years.
The only things that should be fat are your pockets.
On a scale of J ew to Floyd Mayweather, How much do you love money?
Fish are always making that “I want to suck a d*ck” face.
If you push a carriage for more than 20 minutes a day outside of a store there should be a law that you have to have a license to operate it. . .
There is no problem in the entire world that could not be resolved if everyone would just do it my way.
Tempus fugit: The Karate Kid (Ralph Macchio) is the exact same age today as Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita) was the day Karate Kid opened in theaters.
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