Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.

   If the start of a Basketball game is called a Tip-off, why isn’t the start of a Hockey game called a Puck-off?

   Pulling out of Paris should be a porn, not a reality

   Can we have a NO Kathy Griffin button?

   I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at

   A home DNA test kit does not make a good baby shower gift.

   I wonder if there's a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.

   Just found a $5 bill in the dryer that must have fallen out of my pants pocket. Looks like I'm guilty of money laundering.

   We all name our dogs....But.... Wonder what they call us .....

   Me: Do you want to have the best sex of your life tonight? Her: No. Me: Then I'm your guy!

   I thought that noose around a mocked Obama's neck was funny too......

   Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis

   Ladies, it's not a birth month or even a birth week. It's a birthday. You get to celebrate one f'n day, ok?

   It's okay, you guys. People on Facebook have changed their profile pictures, sent their prayers and thoughts. So terrorism should end shortly.

   I don't mind helping people as long as I'm not slightly inconvenienced.

   I just want the confidence of a short guy in a big SUV.

   I'm by no means an athlete, but I just did a perfect Triple Lutz getting out of my hammock

   Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren't you Ice-T?"

   Who needs conspiracy theories when reality is crazy enough lately. .. ugh

   How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?