Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm an accident looking for a place to happen!

   The best thing about fighting someone in a Denny's parking lot is win or lose you can go in and have some waffles afterwards.

   Ha!.. More like social needia, if you ask me....... ....Please go ahead and ask me

   How to laundry like me... 1)Throw all clothes in washer & turn on... 2)Forget about for 7 days... 3)Smells mildew... 4)Repeat steps 1-3... 5)Buy new clothes

   Opening a yoga studio just for dogs called NamaSit&Stay.... *Self,,,,Prepare to be rich

   If Nutella & marshmallow fluff made sweet sweet love & had a baby,,, I would eat that baby.. The End.

   My voting ballot is just an adult coloring book.

   THAT CHEWBACCA LADY IS REALLY GETTING ANNOYING NOW, SHE LOOKS LIKE MY EX.....

   I don't want feelings. I just want pizza.

   [In the car on first date] Her: So you're 27 Me: Yup Her: You don't think this is awkward? Me: No why? Hold that thought. Mom turn left here

   My Life Isn't American Idol, So Quit Trying To Judge Me!!!

   @CauseWereGuys: If you get pulled over for a DUI, you should get 1 chance to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart w/o falling off. If you can, you're free to go.

   A general rule of thumb is, there is almost nothing in my head worthwhile to say it.

   But if I go out tonight, who is going to stick their finger in the cat's mouth and ruin his yawns?

   This is the last time I lie down naked on the subway tracks during rush hour. I hate when people are complaining for nothing

   "Has Tim Tebow been signed yet?" - Robert Kraft

   She sells sea shells down by the sea shore. She is broke AF.

   I got fired on my first day as a paramedic for trying to revive everyone with true love's first kiss.

   I never ever delete messages… just in case someone decides to start acting different like you weren’t saying that May 14, 2013 at 1:22 PM.

   Sex so good that she forgets about Dre.