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For some reason, I always thought Elijah Cummings and John Lewis were the same guy. ☻ 
Single moms be like, "yo daddy was on the plane!"
Here's a tip for you travellers, when Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me comes on your ipod in the airport, DON'T sing along. I spent 12 hours explaining that I was just singing the lyrics "Love me like a bomb, b...b...b..bomb"
Jesus was an American, a Republican American.
I dont know much about pies, but baby, you make my banana cream
Whenever I see someone type "ROFL", I can't help but to think of Scooby Doo trying to say "waffle".
HOODTRANSLATIONS Sh*t just got real = The situation has escalated to the highest point of seriousness & this is no more a laughing matter.
Some of these stupid post are more the reason why people are dumping Facebook than anything else.
i used to be funny like you all, then I took an arrow to the knee
I love cats! They taste just like chicken
Bingo stands for: Bored idiots now growing old.
My application to be a cop was denied. They said my 4 incher would initimadate the other cops.
I hope Stanley doesn't get mad when the Bruins take his cup again.
You Mexican people and your crazy customs, what does a sink full of mayonnaise have to do with independence?
If they'd only let him keep his Tour de France titles, Neil Armstrong would still be with us today.
HURRICANE Tip: Make certain to create a giant "X" with duct tape on all your windows to alert neighbors you are an idiot.....
Jesus walked on water, but I staggered on alcohol
Roses are red, your panties are moist. I'd take you to bed but I don't have a hoist.
President Obama is going to let certain illegal immigrants stay in this country. But there is an age requirement. You have to be old enough to vote by November. Read more on Newsmax.com: The Best of Late Nite Jokes -- Newsmax.com Important: Do You Suppo
Black is beautiful, tan is grand, but white is the color of the big boss man! 