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The biggest obstacle bi-racial, Kentucky couples face is agreeing on which liquor name to give their daughter. 
When I'm at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a wife
Now taking holiday orders for my homemade body butter. Please sign the release form stating that you are not allergic to Krazy Glue.
Dear Friends & Foes: I hate it when you greet or holla at me on my funny and witty status update. Stop raining on my parade. That's what the inbox is for.
that a drumstick in my pocket or am I just glad to see you it's a drumstick I have an eating problem oh God there's gravy in there too.
The Secret life of the American teenager is less realistic than star wars. No father and daughter talk about sex that casually. "Hey amy, are you going to have sex with Ricky tonight?" "Well we're both emotionally & physically ready, so yeah." "okay, cool
Whats the socially acceptable waiting period before you can feel free to fart in the presence of your new lover?
I wonder what I'm thinking right now...hummm?
Amazing,,, that all the xmas gifts I bought today were made in china ,,like what are the odds on that ..!!!
Tomorrow..no lawns will be manicured due to Cinco_de Mayo...not on Sunday or Monday..or rest of the week either...Sorry folks too much Tequila and beer combos.
there someone making $ off of all this "Liking" on FB?
Ï believe that upon death,at heavens gate,there are 2 books in which your name need be,the book of life,&the avengers attendance sheet
:I'm so white I get uncomfortable saying knickers with a hard 'r'.
Facebook's just not as fulfilling as it never was.
AIRPORT SECURITY: "Sir do you have any dangerous weapon on your person? ME: Yes, my brain.
Its strange to think that decades from now, people might be dressing like US for Halloween, like they do for flappers, or hippies.
Some cool ways to trick a woman into bed include "being kind," "making her feel special" & "showing her respect." They love that shi#t
Want to surprise you girlfriend? Introduce her to your boyfriend.. :O
In most conversations, my face is basically a red battery logo with 10% written next to it.
if an actor in a heat of the moment scene has to say "I will cut your freaking balls off" and the Director shouts "Cut!" what the hell does the actor do?!? 