Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   EPA/Science: If we dont do something about Water War, Food War, Ice Age, Acid Rain, Ozone, Over population, Solar Flares, Y2k, Cimate Change/Warming/Weather, we will be dead within 15 years.

   Who remembers when we had a census of a coming ice age, so the government & EPA made all vehicles get catalitic converters that made cars get less milage & use more gas, which made more pollution so we had to stop acid rain,&ozone holes. SCIENCE RULES lol

   New Presidential Executive Order: All DNC Trolls must now only fly United Airlines

   If anybody seen me out last night, it wasn't me...I've been hacked!

   Watching wealthy politicians who live lavish lifestyles talk about "the plight of the poor" leaves one cold.... and angry

   A man drove past my house in a van painted: come to my van for free candy. Everyone thought he was dangerous, but I got my candy eventually.... the memories

   Thanks I'll be here till 11, don't forget to tip your waitress she's my only ride home.

   The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.

   If I fell and hit my head really hard maybe I'll go see the new Baywatch movie.

   I don't understand why male paedophiles, who likes male children, don't consider themselves gay.

   I was planning to have my teeth polished but decided to get a tan instead.

   Trolls used to live under bridges...now they work for the DNC and are on the internet.

   If I could have dinner with anyone, alive and dead, no question,,, I would want it to be Schrödinger's cat

   The ham is melting, the turkey is suspended in midair, and the salami is hatching from its own egg. Why did I even come into the Salvador Deli?

   666 is no longer the number of evil. It is now 45.

   It’s May 4 soon, the one day of the year when Star Wars fans celebrate being able to use quite possibly the best pun in the world: “May the Fourth be with you”.

   I keep buying leeks because I have too many potatoes. Then I keep buying more potatoes because I have too many leeks. It's a vichyssoise cycle.

   My Life Coach just told me that I've been in the placebo group. FML.

   Cold cereal is the sweatpants of food.

   Does anyone know a phone number to a good psychiatrist?.Oh it's not for me, it's for the people who still believe they'll get a check from Bill Gates for sharing and reposting a chain letter to all their friends.