Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   heard bieber was supposed to be on the malaysian flight... sigh...

   If it's fat, drunk, and slow, it must be Chicago

   A thief broke into my house last night searching for ‘Money’ …. I joined him in the search.

   What if April Fools day doesn't really exist and it's actually the longest/greatest prank the world has ever seen......?

   I bet the beeps the Malaysia search crews are hearing, are old sailor's pagers that fell overboard... them batteries lasted forever.

   Hawaiian Airlines is now offering cheaper flights to Honolulu, with only a single stop to change wheel wells at San Jose.

   I just tore the tag off my mattress................... What you gonna do Obama?

   God's son died single, but he'll help you find your match on Christian Mingle.

   can you get pregnant from unprotected text?

   How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face! Duh!

   had some Korean meatballs last night. They were the dog's bollocks.

   A friend of mine said that being gay wasn't so bad, but sometimes it's a real pain in the ass ツ

   The back of my ears smell like parmesan cheese.

   Kim Jong Un is nothing but an ugly, fat chink.

   Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.

   can't spell "female" without "fml"..

   Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman. If your man needs pills to get it up, maybe you are not as sexy as you assumed.

   I want those of you living on the West Coast to be extra careful today and make sure to put on your arm floaties before leaving the house. You know how I worry.

   look down, back up, where are you. You're on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What's in your hand, back at me, I have it, it's an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love, look again, the tickets are now diamonds

   JESUS SAVES... He Passes It To Gretzky... Gretzky Shoots... He Scores!