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Can you change the ugly foot there on the right > with the fungus on it from adchoice> > > > 
Life is weird. First you wanna grow up, then you wanna be a kid again.
I will just take one bong hit with breakfast, chill out for a while, then get some things done. Aaaand I'm not getting off of the couch today.
Funny how the first 5 years I did it, my biggest fear was someone walking in on me doing it.. and now in the last 5 years I wouldn't bother doing it unless someone was watching me.
You gotta walk the walk to type the type.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.
i'll be live tweeting my colonoscopy today against the advice of my doctor and these nurses. And ok, here we go,,, OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH
"Why can't more people be just like you?" I wisper into the bun of giant meatball sub.
Just got back from a third world country - I got my box full of Seattle Seahawks 49th Superbowl champions shirt suckers...
WELL WELL WELL, if it isn't the family whose house I've broken into
NASCAR went with Toyota as a pace car...wanted them to see how it felt to be out front!
“Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop” to become a dev!l . Restraining order is on the way too.
My wife says she's not cumin home because she doesn't have thyme for my spice puns any more. I mustard upset her.
I hate it when your singing along with a song and the singer gets the words wrong.
Why swallow ur pride ,when you can make someone swallow their teeth
That bottle of beer doesn't care if you have bad breath. Its still happy to kiss you.
If you water an apple tree with apple juice, is it forced cannibalism...?
Kanye: Hey baby you wanna role play? Kim: Sure, that sounds super hot! Kanye: Ok, you be Kanye West
Can you say choke? We can.....Seahawks
The human heart is amazing. It can get hurt and in a few days it ready to get out and get some more pain. 