Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   went into my local store and I saw that they had put up a big sign saying, "NO READING IN THIS SHOP",I grabbed 4 bars of chocolate, took them to the counter and said, "Which of these is the Dairymilk?"

   When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish.

   Hey Boston-LOVE THAT DIRTY WATER♥

   would it be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

   Can't stand the automatic bathroom appliances... WTF... I am not done.. Thanks for the generous water ration... Btw, your paper towels are like sand paper

   bringing the 'fun' back into funeral.

   proven the myth that a bird will always crap on a freshly washed car... Now, where'd I put that bb gun?

   Warning: Weeding another man's garden will eventually get you plowed!!!

   doesnt get drunk, he gets awesome

   i used to think Facebook was made by a woman since it changed appearance and became more complicated so much, but now.. I am positive it is ran by a guy, after all the suggested poking of girls it wants me to do.

   If steak and B.J. day isn't a real holiday, than neither Is ''daughter day.''

   I like being Next,, You can let somebody go in front of you and still be Next. People know who you are. " Who is that"? ... " Oh him he is Next".

   Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off.

   wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac

   Beekapoo is me the lime

   thinks it's ironic that the man that brought the Segway to life was brought to death by his invention.

   Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

   It's your world, I just live and suffer in it.

   In the cookies of life FRIENDS are the chocolate chips