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What do you call a one leeged Japanese woman Wait for it ...... Irene !!! 
Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
I'm not sexist, I'm sexiest, and if I am sexist, then I'm the sexiest sexist.
Wonders if a cow from china would understand a cow from the US or do they moo different languages?
I Can't find my phone! Could you call it? Oh wait, it was only in my pocket.. haha got you're Number!"
I wish I could dance like a black guy. Or have epilepsy. Either way.
Fat chicks always wanna say "Let me sit on your face". B*tch thats premeditated murder.
Things happen for no reason. This is why people invent gods.
I say tomato, you say tomato. hahahahaha I know your laughing right now cuz you totally just read this with two pronunciations... lol
wants to be a millionaire.
How have Christians not used the "dinosaurs died off because they were all gay" argument yet?
frickin awesome! 'Nough Said.
melting in your mouth not in your hands
I used to have an invisible friend, then I stopped going to church.
(630): The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't always drink beer but when I do, I play good beer pong
thinks people who end sentences with prepositions should knock it off.
says "Water Under the Bridge should stay under the Bridge!"
Coupon Susie and I were going to get married, but it turned out she just wasn't cut out for me. 