Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Facebook: We're all here because we're not all there

   I am the old guy who cut you off, took your parking spot, glared at you in the mall, called the cops on your party last night...and married your Grandma

   i like my suits like I like my women..... double breasted

   would like to partake in the consumption of multiple alcoholic beverages this evening

   To all my barbies out there who date Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, you'll be better off in life. Get that money!

   currently the guiness world record holder for the worlds tallest midget....

   being a mother is like Hotel California, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave:S

   The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

   puh puh puh poke her face

   and I talk to myself on my Facebook wall... I'M AWESOME....I'M AWESOME

   going to jail....because I just assaulted that plate of nachos!

   I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought “Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness” was inappropriate.

   Can I lick the beater? Is what I ask when my wife is giving me a hand job.

   The first rule of rich, powerful, white guy club is we didn't do anything wrong because we are rich, white and powerful.

   Steve Bannon removed from National Security Council due to a scheduling conflict involving drinking.

   Screaming at Kaepernick to stand up during the national anthem seems slightly more disrespectful.

   Everytime I see KellyAnn Conway's face, I always vomit!

   Saw a baby wearing a bib which read "This dumb ass put my cape on backwards"

   Jesus was born in october. Just saying...

   Somebody just texted me saying..what does IDK mean? And I replied I don't know, she said OMG nobody knows!!