Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   distance can be so cruel when you love somebody

   No one will really notice your awkwardness if you turn it into a dance routine.

   Paul Manafort just offered to help Vladimir Putin move apartments.

   Fun Fact: Paul Manafort is a direct descendant of Benedict Arnold.

   I've been putting Root Beer in a square glass all evening. I'm still not drunk.

   Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on eBay? I just bid on a Mickey Mouse Outfit and now I'm 10 minutes away from owning the Dallas Cowboys.

   Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..

   Q: What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common? A: Icy dead people.

   Obama did so much for blacks, More free food and more free housing. Just what your fat white baby momma wanted.

   A honeymoon is a vacation a man takes before starting work under a new boss

   Looks like the Healthcare bill vote may be delayed so Nancy Pelosi can read it this time

   If you open a doughnut shop and don't name it "Hole Foods" well, what's the matter with you?

   Folks who say, "I can't take all this drama", are the same ones who make Hollywood rich paying $15 to see it on a movie screen.

   BREAKING: Vladimir Putin gives Devin Nunes an 'attaboy.'

   Liking a celebrity's tweet in the hopes they'll notice you is like voting Republican thinking you'll be a millionaire one day.

   All the GOP care about is who leaked. But what do you expect from a bunch of old white men whose bladders aren't their friends anymore.

   I thought it was cool when Superman visited Bizarro World where up is down and yes is no. But in a comic book. Not the White House.

   If we keep killing entitlement, healthcare, etc, pretty soon all America will be defending are the 1% and a bunch of rocks.

   A funny thing about tolerant people? They're only tolerant when you agree with them.

   "Judge me by what I say, not what I do" - the Art of the No Deal.