Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Flooding, check... Earthquake, check... Hurricane, check,,,, Locusts..where are my damn locusts?......... That's it,, I'm calling the exec. producer

   Black ops 2 comes out tomorrow!! \(T^T)/

   That's because women like you are built like the Grand Canyon! (to the post below)

   the best way to get laid by a Red Lobster waitress is to tell her your the manager at Long John silvers.

   everybody..we all just need to chip in and buy195,249,054 powerball tickets that has every single number combination and we win.

   Sorry, I can't go. My sister's cousin's nephew's brother's neighbor's step son's hamster died today. It was tragic.

   If I was Asian, my name would be Jet Lag....because I'm tired all the time!

   Anyone else agree that the facebook community is comprised of 98% m0rons, and the other 2% haven't figured out a way to log on?

   if "PRO" is the opposite of "CON" then "PROgress" has to be the opposite of "CONgress

   That awkwar d moment when your last name is White but you're Black and when your last name is Black but you're White.

   A bum jus asked me "can you spare ne change", I said it @ the same time he did & called 'Jinx'. Now he cant ask 4 change until I say his name

   not responsible for LMAO's that actually cause ur ass to fall off. Or LOL's that cause you being arrested 4 laughing too loud. Or people that are "dying laughing" I am not responsible for... funeral fees. With that being said. Enjoy my wall.

   Ashton Kutcher is trading in for a new model.....and I aint talking about cars.....

   Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

   so I was digging a booger out and got blindsided by middle managment who gave me no time to react before they were shaking my hand and introducing me to new staff...and I don't feel guilty about it..boogers on you!

   Wishes Brett Favre would stop sending me text messages.

   When they get the Chilean miners out, can we put the Go Compare guy in?

   Thinking that they made the turtoise and the hare book to make fat people feel good about theirselves!

   Q: What was the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

   If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.