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having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to church!!! 
. Was the rainbow that appeared over capitol building a sign of approval from above that the dem won the control of the house.
Looks like Hillary's going to steal the election by using the oldest trick in the book. By getting millions more votes than her opponent.
So all I have to do is stage a few fake miracles and the Pope approves my sainthood? Roman Catholic is more of a cult than a church.
I bet people who still wear watches are also the same people who still call radio stations requesting songs.
i think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a women
Did you hear about the mexican guy who had a heart attack on Halloween? Somebody came to his door dressed as a job.
If all mankind descended from Adam and Eve who only had two sons like the bible says, then it means we are all products of incest which according to the same bible is major sin.
saw a pirate movie the other day... It was rated ARRRRRRRRR!
Girl texts you: What ya doing? You reply: Playing Xbox.. Err I mean lifting weights. Yeah lifting weights.
I give $50 a week to Jesus.........my lawn guy.
Don't pray too much; God might recognize it as spam. :)
Stormy Daniels is shooting a new movie, titled "Stormy Does The Republicans".
I establish dominance on the first date by yawning.
Religious people believe because it makes them feel better; but thankfully there's booze for that.
Fox News is the funniest Tv station ever! Good source of entertainment. But seriously, I trust the Daily Show more.
Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy.
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
This just in...BALLOON BOY IS SAFE! For all of his actions leading to safe recovery of the six year old, Obama has been awarded a 2nd Nobel Prize!
I enjoy blowing the horn as I drive past the Blind School and watch all the kids wave in the wrong direction . 