Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Every Adele song is about lasagna.

   I was devastated to hear about the bombings in Boston yesterday. Now, I'm all smiles hearing about the 7.8 earthquake that hit Pakistan and Iran today.

   GO HEAT! I don't mean the basketball team, I mean the temperature. It's so #&@^$#% hot out, I wish it would just go.

   Quierd = new word I just made up of being questionally weird to the point its queer weird. Example: This morning my wife stuck a broomstick up my a ss to wake me up, I felt quierd!

   X says you know that urge you get to eat something just because its there well that is why I am not a gynecologist

   And Jesus said unto the woman, "Your face alone shall be used as birth control." - Luke 4:14

   If she can still walk after se x to make you a sammich... then you're doing it wrong...

   Wanna make her smile ? Tell her you are hungry and when she replies "What you want to eat" you say "YOU"

   Dear Mother Nature, I know you've been on the rag lately, but who lit the fuse on your tampon?!?!

   I can't afford an iPad so I got an iPatch instead.It's the pirate version ... Aarrrrrgggggghhhhhhh

   How come when your wifes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy & say congratulations! But nobody rubs your balls and says good job!!!!!

   Bad luck last night USA, never mind, you'll do better in the American Football World Cup - oh, wait.......

   When someone you love walks away, they take your entire world with them.

   "Mommy, since I can't have that NIH clinical trial to cure my cancer, as a dying wish, can we go see the Grand Canyon?"

   BREAKING NEWS: The pilot of the missing Malaysian plane was known to go by the name Waldo.

   ... If sex is a pain in the a$$ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶r̶o̶n̶g̶ … Use more LUBE

   trying to think of good booger jokes, but it snot working.

   It's annoying that I don't understand all these Call of Duty or Lord of the Rings jokes. Then I remember, I have a girlfriend.

   Have you ever just stopped and thought... "I was once inside my father's balls" ( ._. )

   I don't understand why male paedophiles, who likes male children, don't consider themselves gay.