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Are you auditioning to be a FOX News host, or do you just enjoy being an uninformed, reality-challenged halfwit? 
Wow I guess David didn't beat Goliath, Tim Tebow did... what a game.
The last time a Christian was that thoroughly torn apart, Caligula was Emporer.
What's up with the Mexican jokes, they are so lame! Come up with something better...LOL
*coming soon* "Toy Story 3"....Buzz and Woody meet some of Andy's mom's toys, that incidentally have the same names.
Gotta love Facebook... I haven't had this much fun writing on walls since I was 6.
Why don't guys like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex? Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?
Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
"But millions of people are going to end up losing their health insurance!" -What the critics said when Obamacare was being developed.
Disrespectful parents letting their kids run around screaming. Can't I just have a nice quiet meal at Chuck E Cheese?
Maybe if we tell some people that their brain is an app they'll start using it.
What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?? The Hoover's got a dirtbag on the inside...
Dick Clark died?? Man I really dropped the ball on that one!!.....too soon?
If I don't wear my tinfoil helmet, Jesus will tell me to eat all the donuts.
Becoming a Doctor and changing my last name to Acula
They're relea$ing two $eparate film$ ba$ed on the 3rd book in the'Hunger Game$' trilogy. I'm $hocked. Totally $urpri$ing.
Christmas sure does smell a lot like weed.
FYI those little crosses along the interstate aren't for squirrel crucifixions. I was wrong.
My favorite part about the Patriots cheating is it means they didn't have confidence in Brady's skill.
Some guy just asked me for the time like it's freakin 1993. "Hold tight good fellow, allow me to fetch my timepiece from my pantaloons."
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