Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Red Cross called and asked if I could donate to the Huntsville, Alabama floods. I told them that I would, but my garden hose only reaches to the end of my driveway....

   If a tomato is a fruit, then isn't ketchup technically a smoothie?

   Finally! A White House official was fired! A Benghazi official? No... IRS? No... Fast and Furious? Over the AP or James Rosen? HHS? No, no, no, and no. Jofi Joseph, fired for having a fake twitter acct.How dare he!

   And then God presented to Moses two antacid tablets, saying, "Thou shalt not eat the spicy Doritos locos taco."

   Oh god please let next year be a better year and let it bring hopefully an end to Obama's drone strikes killing innocent people.

   My mom says you are what you eat. That's funny, because I haven't eaten any sexy beasts recently. ;)

   You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

   "Look at the keyboard ... you and I are together, look underneath it says JK."

   God I hate people who always bring God into everything.

   rub an atheist nutz the wrong way and they hiss like a snake that they are...

   ::Phone rings:: Hello Russia... yeah its USA. Hey wanted to know if we could hitch a ride up to the ISS next month on your shuttle..... Oh, ok, yeah, we understand..... Sure, maybe next time. No worries, we'll find another ride. =/

   Phil mickleson has by far the sloppiest titties of any professional athletes that I have ever seen.

   Forget a dislike button, I'd rather have a 'This makes me want to punch you in the back of the head' button. Especially between now and tomorrow when 96% of you will have the exact same status. New Moon is out or reminding me it's Friday.

   ๑۩۩๑ MY KINGDOM ๑۩۩๑

   Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

   If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

   Would rather wash clothes than go to a Wnba game

   'I like my men like I like my coffee... ground up and in the freezer.'

   Just saw an ad that says, "Grow 4 inches in 4 weeks". Wow, can you imagine a 6 inch c*ck!

   For extra cash, consider robbing sex offenders. Their addresses are easy to find and they can't own guns.