Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed. Don't blame me there were no windows

   If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger ...

   The Lesbians across the street just mowed the grass.....I guess Spring is here.....

   I represent The Pizza Is Too Damn Good party... People eatin pizza 8 hours a day and 40 hours a week, my main job is to provide pizza for breakfast,lunch and dinner. Listen some childs stomach just growled did ya hear it?Give em pizza! Pizza Too Damn Good

   Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because they are plugged into a genius.

   why is it that most men think that women drivers are rubbish when most women were taught to drive by a man in the first place..

   ♪ ♫ Rolling In The Deep ♫ ♪ ~ Me in my basement rolling a joint.

   ''You ask!'' ''No, you ask!'' ''Pls just ask?'' ''why cant you do it?'' ''Fine.. excuse me, can we have some ketchup?''

   Storms can be scary to kids, so I tell my son that thunder is God beating Jesus because he "forgot" to put his toys away.

   A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.

   Me: I'm not getting the Covid vaccine because I don't know what is in it. Also me: Ooooooo..... The McRib is back!

   Norwey is one of the richest countries per Capita in the World! Why would they want to come to your s**thole country, USA?

   having my phone number is like having a direct line to God, But better, because I answer.. .

   Men are from Mars,, Women are from Venus,, Then gays are definely from ???

   Barbie has an awful lot of nice things for a girl whose knees do not bend.

   Jesus said in the Bible that it was much easier for children to get into heaven than adults. What priests want in heaven, they get in heaven.

   The US president should have lead the country today in a moment of PRAYER; then out of respect for the 6 people who lost their lives and the 19 people wounded, the non-believers could have exercised their right to SILENCE.

   browsing my facebook friends naked.

   I went to the docs the other day. He told me to stop eating so many eggs. I said " Why? Is my cholestorol that high?" . He said "No but your farts are absolutely f *cking rank!!"

   It's ok to crack your knuckles, just don't knuckle your crack