Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again...

   She is my best freind You break her Heart I Break Your Face

   SEX AND CALORIES: REMOVING HER CLOTHES: With her consent....12 Calories ,Without her consent..387 Calories

   Excited to go see saw, but then we pasted the park and went to the movie theater.

   Why does David Hasselhoff call himself "The Hoff"? Because he couldn't put up with the hassle.

   Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?To buy an iPatch!

   world oldest attractive women celebrates birthday at 43

   Someone just told me to "have a blessed day." What do you even say to someone like that? I just hissed at them.

   Voted for Romney, Obama self(:

   Caitlyn Jenner claims Bruce fondled her for over 50 years.

   I took a sip off my dads beer #thuglife

   STOP whatever your doing, DROP the weed in the paper, ROLL a fatty

   It takes longer than 2 years to clean up 8 years of Elephant Dung but feel free to blame it on the guy with the broom.

   SINGLE= Stay Intoxicated Nightly Get Laid Everyday

   My pimp hand is like Verizon, all it takes is one smack and you better believe that b!tch "can hear me now."

   I think it is hilarious that the Wall St. protestors hate big corporations, carring signs made with posterboard and markers they bought at WALMART, while wearing their GAP jeans, taking pictures with their MOTOROLA or AT&T camera phones, and drinking from

   Steve Jobs says, "The only way Apple devices will get Flash is over my dead body."

   I figured out why I'm so fat! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says "for extra volume and body". I'm going to start using Dawn dish washing soap. It says "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove".

   I could really use some TLC.....Tacos Laced with Cocaine.

   I know I joke a lot on my posts, but on a serious note, I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if it’s a success, I will be out of debt and own everything I have now. I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask